I did something I thought I'd never do- I went in for a beta test when my home HPTs were completely negative. I did this because I wanted to see if there were super low levels of the hormone indicative of a embryo that never implanted. No dice, my test was 'negative', which my endocrinologist (not the RE, so he is not used to reading these tests) thinks translates to zero. The lab does not post numbers, apparently. Grr.
I'm doing just fine though. I'm not happy, but nor am I unhappy. Day 10 and 11 were the periods of shock (and sadness) that this had not worked. Afterwards, my reaction to each negative test was literally a shrug.
The only (irrational) fear I feel is...OMG, what the hell did I break? Although this was not working perfectly before, it was working-- I had gotten pregnant both times, and in amazingly reproducible patterns. A lot of things are different right now. From all the many things that are different, my overactive brain has to do its best to identify the most likely suspect, if only for my own peace of mind. My intuition (which, in the past, has alternately come through or crashed and burned) says this suspect is again, Vitamin D.
Because this governs so many different processes ( it regulates the expression of 1000s of genes in the body), this is a tricky one. I was reading a review on vitamin D and cancer, and the author said a 'U' or 'J' shaped association existed between risks for certain cancers and vitamin D levels. This means, while your risk is higher when you are deficient and lowest when you are at a median range (say 30-45 ng/ml), it can actually go up again when you go too high. The same could very well be true for various processes involved in early pregnancy, from hormone (estrogen) production to implantation processes, to even the immune system regulation.
I've strongly advocated testing after supplementing, and I forgot to take my own advice-- I did not test for over 8 months. My levels were 86, nearly double of what they should be, and very close to toxicity (which is considered to be above 100). Anyway, I have a few months to twiddle my thumbs and recuperate before my next try, in which time I work to cut my levels by half, at least, and give my body time to adjust to that change.
Right now, I have to wait for my brother to set a date for his wedding. I'm strongly pushing for October, in which case I could try again in June. In the meantime, as my friend said, this also means I'm going to have a stress-free spring in New York. Its going to be my last one in this wonderful city, so I might as well make the most of it!
I'm doing just fine though. I'm not happy, but nor am I unhappy. Day 10 and 11 were the periods of shock (and sadness) that this had not worked. Afterwards, my reaction to each negative test was literally a shrug.
The only (irrational) fear I feel is...OMG, what the hell did I break? Although this was not working perfectly before, it was working-- I had gotten pregnant both times, and in amazingly reproducible patterns. A lot of things are different right now. From all the many things that are different, my overactive brain has to do its best to identify the most likely suspect, if only for my own peace of mind. My intuition (which, in the past, has alternately come through or crashed and burned) says this suspect is again, Vitamin D.
Because this governs so many different processes ( it regulates the expression of 1000s of genes in the body), this is a tricky one. I was reading a review on vitamin D and cancer, and the author said a 'U' or 'J' shaped association existed between risks for certain cancers and vitamin D levels. This means, while your risk is higher when you are deficient and lowest when you are at a median range (say 30-45 ng/ml), it can actually go up again when you go too high. The same could very well be true for various processes involved in early pregnancy, from hormone (estrogen) production to implantation processes, to even the immune system regulation.
I've strongly advocated testing after supplementing, and I forgot to take my own advice-- I did not test for over 8 months. My levels were 86, nearly double of what they should be, and very close to toxicity (which is considered to be above 100). Anyway, I have a few months to twiddle my thumbs and recuperate before my next try, in which time I work to cut my levels by half, at least, and give my body time to adjust to that change.
Right now, I have to wait for my brother to set a date for his wedding. I'm strongly pushing for October, in which case I could try again in June. In the meantime, as my friend said, this also means I'm going to have a stress-free spring in New York. Its going to be my last one in this wonderful city, so I might as well make the most of it!
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