I've been hearing a lot of that lately. Its coming from my mom and dad, when they talk about my insistence to have a baby as a single mom, and raising that child all by myself.
We've been doing the arranged marriage circuit(since I'm still open to either the Plan A or Plan B route of family building). We flew down to City X and met a guy my entire family literally drooled over- highly respected, very rich, very accomplished. and capable. I liked him too, he was nice, kind and easy to talk to. But I was not attracted to him in the slightest and he wanted to live in India, which, definitely, is not something I want to do for the rest of my life. I said nay, and basically, got the "You are hell-bent on ruining your life" speil.
Its not like single mothers ruin their lives. They do have a difficult time of things though. But that lifestyle is utterly alien and terrifying to my parents. I can't even begin to convince my parents that everything will be ok, if I go that route because life comes with no such guarantees.
My parents keep telling me I can easily have it all...a father, grandparents for my baby, a superb support system, everything,while simultaneously reminding me of what I'm robbing my child of, by going the single parent route. Its the old argument, made new again, and I'm getting hit with it constantly. And its not even like I can dispute any of the above-- if I go with plan A, I can still give my child a better life than as a single mom.
But if I just agree to marry just anybody for the sake of avoiding single parenthood, it could end disastrously. My parents are convinced it would not be so, and they are coming from a culture where people married each other with little introduction, and in many cases, built successful marriages based on camaraderie and a mutual respect. It is not enough for me. But who knows, if I forced myself down this path, it may even end well.
The good (or bad) news is I can't force myself to marry just for the sake of marrying. And there has been so much arguing just to get me to do just that (as long as I can respect the guy!). Yet, to give my parents credit, they hate what I'm doing, but are helping me with it nonetheless-- I go off to make the downpayments for starting surrogacy this week and they are giving me the money.
Right now, its this cauldron of guilt, fear and whatifs I'm swimming in. I don't know what I should do, but I know what feels wrong--- I'm steering clear of that. But its not easy at all.
We've been doing the arranged marriage circuit(since I'm still open to either the Plan A or Plan B route of family building). We flew down to City X and met a guy my entire family literally drooled over- highly respected, very rich, very accomplished. and capable. I liked him too, he was nice, kind and easy to talk to. But I was not attracted to him in the slightest and he wanted to live in India, which, definitely, is not something I want to do for the rest of my life. I said nay, and basically, got the "You are hell-bent on ruining your life" speil.
Its not like single mothers ruin their lives. They do have a difficult time of things though. But that lifestyle is utterly alien and terrifying to my parents. I can't even begin to convince my parents that everything will be ok, if I go that route because life comes with no such guarantees.
My parents keep telling me I can easily have it all...a father, grandparents for my baby, a superb support system, everything,while simultaneously reminding me of what I'm robbing my child of, by going the single parent route. Its the old argument, made new again, and I'm getting hit with it constantly. And its not even like I can dispute any of the above-- if I go with plan A, I can still give my child a better life than as a single mom.
But if I just agree to marry just anybody for the sake of avoiding single parenthood, it could end disastrously. My parents are convinced it would not be so, and they are coming from a culture where people married each other with little introduction, and in many cases, built successful marriages based on camaraderie and a mutual respect. It is not enough for me. But who knows, if I forced myself down this path, it may even end well.
The good (or bad) news is I can't force myself to marry just for the sake of marrying. And there has been so much arguing just to get me to do just that (as long as I can respect the guy!). Yet, to give my parents credit, they hate what I'm doing, but are helping me with it nonetheless-- I go off to make the downpayments for starting surrogacy this week and they are giving me the money.
Right now, its this cauldron of guilt, fear and whatifs I'm swimming in. I don't know what I should do, but I know what feels wrong--- I'm steering clear of that. But its not easy at all.
0 comments:
Post a Comment