From one angle, 2010 was possibly the worst year of my life thus far. I spent almost 5 months of that year pregnant, with nothing to show for it but two traumatic pregnancy losses. From another angle, that year was actually not wholly negative. My losses changed me in positive ways. They showed me how much I could endure and still be ok, they made me realize that looking at the small picture only suffocates you, you have to take life in stride or you just end up floundering. I don't think any other sort of misfortune could have taught me these life lessons THAT effectively. It also bought discoveries that helped me and other people, such as the Vitamin D thing.
2011 was the year I healed and shed bad habits that had built up over the past decade, and was just wholly positive. I learned to just live life, and enjoy the simple things while NOT biting my nails to the quick trying to envision the end of this fertility odyssey.
2012 is the year I have to say, once more into the breach. Giant ULP. Its when , I sincerely hope, that I don't get tested on the lessons I learned in 2010. But if I do, I want to get through it with relatively well. Being in contact with the ALI community has taught me so much- I've seen so many stories of horrific periods of infertility and repeated pregnancy loss ultimately culminate in happy endings. It can take years. We have no effin idea whats around the bend, and trying to predict it is a fool's errand.
About the guy- that is a no go. I met him a 4th time after my week on the high seas (which was just heavenly by the way). I have no idea what his long term goals are, but in the short term, he, like the majority unattached guys in NYC I've met, just wants to jump my bones, and like the rest of them, after a point, can't seem to get past that item on the agenda. Seriously, moving here has not been good for my opinion of the opposite sex. I've met just TWO nice guys (who were sadly, unexciting) or interesting pigs, or just plain pigs. UGH. Anyway, coming back to this guy, he had a very good chance to tell me about the fact that he was still married, but did not take it. Its kind of sad to see a 37 year old guy with two babies at home chasing after women like that is going to solve every single problem he has. Anyway, that one evening extinguished any feelings I had very effectively. I was a bit sad the next day- not because I knew there was no chance I wanted anything with him, but because my respite from the frightening reality looming in front of me was up. Single motherhood has its own share of uphill battles, but you combine it with the possibility of recurrent pregnancy loss, it is quite a prospect to contend with.
Anyway- this was not meant to be a negative post, but it ended up sounding like one. But I'm neither negative nor nor positive. My attitude simply is--Que Sera, Sera. No matter what happens, I'll be ok. My IUI comes up early next month.
I have some sciency stuff to discuss- that can wait for another post! Happy 2012 everyone! I hope it only brings you all good things.
Also- its International Blog Delurking week. I see people from all over the world here, I'd LOVE to hear from you!
2011 was the year I healed and shed bad habits that had built up over the past decade, and was just wholly positive. I learned to just live life, and enjoy the simple things while NOT biting my nails to the quick trying to envision the end of this fertility odyssey.
2012 is the year I have to say, once more into the breach. Giant ULP. Its when , I sincerely hope, that I don't get tested on the lessons I learned in 2010. But if I do, I want to get through it with relatively well. Being in contact with the ALI community has taught me so much- I've seen so many stories of horrific periods of infertility and repeated pregnancy loss ultimately culminate in happy endings. It can take years. We have no effin idea whats around the bend, and trying to predict it is a fool's errand.
About the guy- that is a no go. I met him a 4th time after my week on the high seas (which was just heavenly by the way). I have no idea what his long term goals are, but in the short term, he, like the majority unattached guys in NYC I've met, just wants to jump my bones, and like the rest of them, after a point, can't seem to get past that item on the agenda. Seriously, moving here has not been good for my opinion of the opposite sex. I've met just TWO nice guys (who were sadly, unexciting) or interesting pigs, or just plain pigs. UGH. Anyway, coming back to this guy, he had a very good chance to tell me about the fact that he was still married, but did not take it. Its kind of sad to see a 37 year old guy with two babies at home chasing after women like that is going to solve every single problem he has. Anyway, that one evening extinguished any feelings I had very effectively. I was a bit sad the next day- not because I knew there was no chance I wanted anything with him, but because my respite from the frightening reality looming in front of me was up. Single motherhood has its own share of uphill battles, but you combine it with the possibility of recurrent pregnancy loss, it is quite a prospect to contend with.
Anyway- this was not meant to be a negative post, but it ended up sounding like one. But I'm neither negative nor nor positive. My attitude simply is--Que Sera, Sera. No matter what happens, I'll be ok. My IUI comes up early next month.
I have some sciency stuff to discuss- that can wait for another post! Happy 2012 everyone! I hope it only brings you all good things.
Also- its International Blog Delurking week. I see people from all over the world here, I'd LOVE to hear from you!
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