I honestly was not expecting a BFN, given that the embryo had gotten to day 5, and the embryos I make naturally show an excellent capacity to implant. Statistically, I thought implantation was likely, with a strong probability of pregnancy loss.
So now, I'm asking the questions-
20 % : The probability of anybody's getting pregnant, say, while being in their late 20s, in any particular cycle (correct me if needed, I'm citing from dim memory)
50-60 % : The probability of a high quality Day 5 blastocyst implanting in any given cycle. I've asked my RE to provide the stats from his clinic as well.
75% : Probability of my getting pregnant, naturally. Calculated using an average of 4 cycles, where I've gotten to clinical pregnancy stage through a natural cycle, 3 out of the 4 times.
So going just by this, the odds were really in favor of the embryo implanting, unless it was different from those I make in a natural cycle.
It is always possible that mine is one of those high fertility wombs that just allows all embryos to survive and implant, not just the best quality ones, making me a candidate for recurrent pregnancy loss. This possibility is derived from this study.
But there is the other possibility- that the superovulation produced poorer quality embryos than what I make naturally. I clearly respond badly to higher doses of FSH- In the start, I was on 300 IU follistim and 6 eggs were on the route to responding, and in the end, possibly gave my 4 M2 and 2 M1 eggs. On increasing that dose (to 450) and using a mix of menagon and follistim, we got up to 11 eggs, but I believe those later growing follicles yielded the immature eggs, even though my estradiol levels rose appropriately.
I beleive, no matter what I do next, that if I go for another round of IVF, stimulating me very gently would be a more sensible option. I'm also going to elaborate on the role on myo-inositol, that I've started taking, in a later post/ Please, anybody who is an armchair RE or a real one, fee free to weigh in here. I'm thinking about 2 things
-Agonist/Antagonist (with or without conversion) with a low dose of FSH.
-Natural cycle, or very close to it, with mimimum stimulation, with a transfer to the surrogate.
I've also started thinking about donor eggs. I went and looked at this website, and I was pretty aghast- although it says Indian egg donors, the majority are caucasian and well, though a lot of them are very pretty, they don't appear to have done too much with their lives.Ditto the few indians there- a few of them look and sound like those girls that pop up on the websites where you download torrents. Plus the website does not seem very well run- one girl listed her height as 5.2 cm. What is she, Thumbelina?
A really good friend talked about offering her eggs yesterday, and she is like my dream donor, smart, good looking, accomplished, determined and I think I would really be able to identify with her genetic babies, because god, we think alike. But she is a really good friend I'd want to keep always, and I've always believed that if you do these things, its best to use people who will not be in your life afterwards. Sigh- I just wish the strangers I am finding were more like her, but that is a really tall order.
If I go the donor egg route, I'd probably have to place an ad in the papers and pray I get lucky. Then there is that million dollar question- do I carry the baby or use a surrogate? Honestly, when people talk about the joy and intimacy of a pregnancy, I no longer feel it. To me, pregnancy is terror, stress and the possibility of losing my figure, my baby, and my even keel, which has managed to hold through through all this, at 24 weeks. I can get past this, and god knows, things may even go well, but I don't at all feel like I want to do it.
What do I do?!
So now, I'm asking the questions-
- Was it an embryo issue? How did the embryo I made during superovulation compared to the ones I make during a natural cycle?
- Is it that the surrogates womb is less receptive than mine?
20 % : The probability of anybody's getting pregnant, say, while being in their late 20s, in any particular cycle (correct me if needed, I'm citing from dim memory)
50-60 % : The probability of a high quality Day 5 blastocyst implanting in any given cycle. I've asked my RE to provide the stats from his clinic as well.
75% : Probability of my getting pregnant, naturally. Calculated using an average of 4 cycles, where I've gotten to clinical pregnancy stage through a natural cycle, 3 out of the 4 times.
So going just by this, the odds were really in favor of the embryo implanting, unless it was different from those I make in a natural cycle.
It is always possible that mine is one of those high fertility wombs that just allows all embryos to survive and implant, not just the best quality ones, making me a candidate for recurrent pregnancy loss. This possibility is derived from this study.
But there is the other possibility- that the superovulation produced poorer quality embryos than what I make naturally. I clearly respond badly to higher doses of FSH- In the start, I was on 300 IU follistim and 6 eggs were on the route to responding, and in the end, possibly gave my 4 M2 and 2 M1 eggs. On increasing that dose (to 450) and using a mix of menagon and follistim, we got up to 11 eggs, but I believe those later growing follicles yielded the immature eggs, even though my estradiol levels rose appropriately.
I beleive, no matter what I do next, that if I go for another round of IVF, stimulating me very gently would be a more sensible option. I'm also going to elaborate on the role on myo-inositol, that I've started taking, in a later post/ Please, anybody who is an armchair RE or a real one, fee free to weigh in here. I'm thinking about 2 things
-Agonist/Antagonist (with or without conversion) with a low dose of FSH.
-Natural cycle, or very close to it, with mimimum stimulation, with a transfer to the surrogate.
I've also started thinking about donor eggs. I went and looked at this website, and I was pretty aghast- although it says Indian egg donors, the majority are caucasian and well, though a lot of them are very pretty, they don't appear to have done too much with their lives.Ditto the few indians there- a few of them look and sound like those girls that pop up on the websites where you download torrents. Plus the website does not seem very well run- one girl listed her height as 5.2 cm. What is she, Thumbelina?
A really good friend talked about offering her eggs yesterday, and she is like my dream donor, smart, good looking, accomplished, determined and I think I would really be able to identify with her genetic babies, because god, we think alike. But she is a really good friend I'd want to keep always, and I've always believed that if you do these things, its best to use people who will not be in your life afterwards. Sigh- I just wish the strangers I am finding were more like her, but that is a really tall order.
If I go the donor egg route, I'd probably have to place an ad in the papers and pray I get lucky. Then there is that million dollar question- do I carry the baby or use a surrogate? Honestly, when people talk about the joy and intimacy of a pregnancy, I no longer feel it. To me, pregnancy is terror, stress and the possibility of losing my figure, my baby, and my even keel, which has managed to hold through through all this, at 24 weeks. I can get past this, and god knows, things may even go well, but I don't at all feel like I want to do it.
What do I do?!
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