Turning into a hermit again...

The last time I initiated serious planning for TTC was Jan 2010. At that point, even though I was about months away from the actual process, my routines started changing. I no longer felt like going out.  I became more of a stay-home-in-my-jammies kind of person. Now, to my dismay,  the very same process is restarting. I should be getting ready to go out and help somebody celebrate graduating. I don't WANT to.  I have done nothing the entire day other than catch up on chores, watch TV and work.  I should be getting ready to go out and mingle with other human beings. But I can't bring myself to and I'm feeling bad because there is another person inside of me who actually does want to go out, but TTC me won't let her.

I don't like this version of myself, because I'm much more of a hermit than I normally am.  And NYC is going to be even more isolating than San Diego- people go out late and they stay out till the wee hours of the morning.Nobody stays in and plays boardgames and watches movies. I'm going to be spending SO much time by myself once the TTC process actually begins- I don't want this exile to begin even earlier, but that is what it looks like its going to be.

And sometimes, I wonder for what it all is. The last time I jumped into this process, I was so very certain I'd get to take a baby home. Now, no such confidence exits, only a hope.  Its going to be a bloody scary, and quiet few months (hopefully, an entire year). Thank god for this virtual universe and you guys!