Fear

Its such an insidious, irrational thing.  With my first try, I was afraid of nothing, I was normal.  I drank (about 10 days before insemination), I just started taking prenatals just a little before and I honestly don't think any of it made a difference. I just lived without fear, without analyzing every little action and that was invaluable.

I'm hopefully now only days away from my next insemination, and what a change there is.  I'm second guessing so many things.  Drinking is utterly out now though I don't honestly think a single drink would harm me at all.  It doesn't end there.  My friends are going to go sit in the hot tub this week; during the 2ww this is less advisable, but before?!?  Should be no issues, right?  Nonetheless, I am not going to do it just because there is the vague and ungrounded fear that it may hurt my chances in some way.  They are also going to get facials done this week.  I'm vetoing that one because I don't know what chemical gunk will be in the creams and treatments the person uses, and I'm certainly not going to make her provide a product list before. I turned down sushi because I'd be avoiding most seafood because of fears of mercury.  I'm just so sick of saying no to so many things, but cannot recapture the way I was before. If abstaining from these makes me sleep a little easier at night, then so be it.  But I'm also so annoyed with this irrationality.  Life is not meant to be lived in such a manner, and parenting is very uncomfortable if you are afraid of what might be lurking in every shadow. I wish there was something that somebody could say that could reassure me that all of these things are still ok- if you can, give it your best shot!